Brenda, sweetheart, would you like to say grace?
Wow, lucky girl.
Papa didn't let me say grace until I was 35.
Bless us, O Lord and these... (SCREAMS)
- Go green, go green. - Hippos, hippos, hippos!
Jesus Christ! What the hell is going on here?
We used the Come Alive ray to sci-fi some Hungry Hungry Hippos
into IRL-like hungry hippos and things got a little titsy.
Oh! Mine just ate an ugly vase.
That's ten points for pink.
- Those were my father's ashes. - That means double points, boy.
Best game night ever!
It's way better than when we all got diabetes from real life Candy Land.
- (PHONE RINGS) - What do you want? I'm gaming.
Hey, do we know a Pupa?
- Terry! - Come on, man.
Oh. All right. Thanks for calling.
Jesus Christ.
All right, let's go, pink hippo.
- What was that? - Nothing.
- The Pupa got arrested at the mall. - What? We have to go save him!
Okay, I see how it is.
We only worry about the Pupa when Terry's winning game night.
This is bullshit.
KORVO: Planet Shlorp was a perfect utopia until the asteroid hit.
One hundred adults and replicants
were issued a Pupa and escaped into the space,
searching for new homes on uninhabited worlds.
We crashed on Earth, stranding us on an already overpopulated planet.
That's right. I've been talking this whole time.
I'm the one holding the Pupa. My name's Korvo.
This is my show. I just dropped the Pupa.
Do you see me? This is ridiculous.
I hate Earth. It's a horrible home. People are stupid and confusing.
Why are there so many wildfires?
Where's your planet sized hose so that we can just put everything out?
You should think about building one of those.
GUARD: So, yeah, the blue space creature, AKA The Pupa
walked into the Claire's jewelry store at 2:00 p.m.
and exited minutes later with the stolen merchandise.
Earrings? What the hell? He doesn't even have ears.
(GASPS) Or does he?
A Pupa would never steal anything.
Has his own Bubba Gump Shrimp Platinum rewards MasterCard.
It must have been another Pupa.
I saw it all. He stole sweet pearl earrings,
a body piercing gun and three unicorn chokers.
Why are Principal Cooke and Ms. Frankie here?
Your second job is driving a forklift for the mob.
I've got a ton of jobs, kid. Teacher, storm chaser, this,
plus I sniff luggage at the airport for the DEA.
This little sack of fucks has been running
a black market piercing ring at school.
Most of his customers have gotten infections.
- Titties! - I'm gonna hurl.
I was a child psychiatrist before my crippling addiction
to celebrity feet forced me into a career in civilian security.
Which is why I can tell you that this is an out of control teenager situation.
This doesn't make any sense.
He's normally such a sweet little supercomputer.
I mean, yes, he did kill a Robocop.
Yes, he'll one day terraform a new planet destroying us all.
But, come on, look at the cute little guy.
(ALL GASP)
What the hell is wrong with you? How could you do this to us?
We take our eyes off you for two weeks to sci-fi some hippos
and this is how you repay us?
I am livid. Wait. Is that a real word?
Well, then, I'm fucking livid.
Now, guys, let's take it easy here.
Maybe we just don't know Pupes as well as we thought.
And I say it's livid time to find out.
Now he's gonna use livid wrong for everything.
Rap music posters, a Game Gear, The Twilight series?
These books are way too sexy for you.
Bag of weed.
A Harry Potter whistle you turned into a bong.
SteelBook HD DVD of the Joker.
A mech suit that looks to be some sort of conman businessperson.
- What could this be for? - Why are you asking me? I don't know.
What the hell? Are you stealing all this stuff, Pupa?
This isn't the Pupa we know and love. Who even are you?
I wish I'd never been pupaed.
(ALL GASP)
The mall cop was right.
The Pupa is an out of control motherfucking teenager.
What are we going to do with the Pupa?
No idea is a bad idea. Go.
He's a sensitive little dumpling.
- We should be nurturing him. - KORVO: Bad idea. Next.
Smash his head with a hammer
- and throw him in a quarry. - As a backup. Next.
We shouldn't punish him.
We should learn from him so we can steal stuff too.
I'm gonna start reading sexy books and shit.
All these ideas suck.
He wants to be a teenager then let's treat him so.
Pupa, as team leader, I have come to a decision.
You shall be grounded for one Earth month.
- Grounded? - Yes, grounded.
- (PUPA CRYING) - Oh, no. It's going to be okay.
Korvo, you made him cry. Psychopath.
I didn't know... It's the right thing to do. He has to learn.
JESSE: I told you he needed to be nurtured.
(SCREAMS)
YUMYULACK: Did the power go out?
TERRY: I didn't save a backup for my seven-part Animal Crossing fart fic.
I'm no Pupa expert, but even I know he isn't supposed to be two colors.
You are the Pupa expert.
Thank you. I won't let you down.
Aisha, we have a problem.
AISHA: Dang, Korvo, you melted again. Your skin looks nasty.
What? I've been using
Ole Henrikson's Collagen Boosted True-C Complex facial serum twice a day.
No, it's the Pupa. He's all fucked up.
The Pupa is stuck between powder blue and seafoam green.
No shit! But what does that mean?
You guys can't go one day without being all,
"Aisha, this" and "Aisha, that. Now you should help
"my wooden penis that's stuck in the hyper drive."
It's not my fault the thing has an oak shaped hole.
When the Pupa's pigment blinks yellow, it means he's lost Wi-Fi signal.
When it's stalled between two colors, it means his evolution has been tainted.
Of course, that makes sense because the taint is between two things.
Like Shakespeare wrote, "Taint thy balls. Taint thy butthole."
Okay, fess up. Who tainted the Pupa?
Don't look at me. I let him suck on old batteries all the time.
- He should be healthy. - It's probably society's fault.
Yes, I bet it's because of all the human shit he's been doing.
He eats an insane number of garlic knots,
and his only source of news is cameos from Finn Wolfhard.
- And he watched the HD DVD 1 - KD master of Joker
and absorbed Todd Phillips' values.
Don't listen to them, Pupes. You just need some TLC, don't ya?
Pupa is being a shit pebble.
He needs to be taught that interrupting a life-sized
Hungry Hungry Hippo game has consequences.
Grounding clearly wasn't enough.
So as punishment for stealing all that stuff, you will paint the ship.
And smoke a pack of Marlboro Lights with a pillowcase over your head.
- But the Pupa doesn't smoke. - And now he never will again.
I don't like being the bad guy,
but you better paint that ship before we return.
And I want all these cigarettes smoked to the filter.
Guys, the orange hippo got into a Panera and the cops shot him.
If we hurry, we can still save green, pink and yellow.
Pupa, stay here and learn your lesson. I'll hug you later.
Last one there is a rotten spore!
(BURPS)
(HIPPOS SNORTING)
Yes! That counts. Point for the Yumyu-lone Ranger.
Guys, is it me or does the house look different?
Holy fuck, the ship is gone!
Is it crazy that I like it without the ship?
Yes, it's crazy. Where the fuck is the Pupa?
Pupa?
No way. Pupa got a Titan XL gaming chair with Napa leather upholstery?
Where the hell is the ship? And how did you get a PS7?
Those aren't even out yet.
(GASPS) You traded the ship to a witch for a gaming setup, didn't you?
So what? I didn't ask to get assigned to you.
Is anyone else weirded out that he's suddenly talking in complete sentences?
I don't know what's up with you, but we'll talk when I get back.
Terry and I have to go fight a witch for our spaceship.
You two, make sure he stays out of trouble.
You ready to face this witch?
I guess. We talk about her all the time,
but I never thought we'd actually confront her.
Fuck, man. A witch?
- I'm scared. - We need to marshal
all our firepower for an epic showdown three seasons in the making.
Hopefully, the Disney Dark Lords don't make us trim it
because this shit is going to be wild.
- I'll tell you that much. - Let's do this shit!
(BOTH LAUGH)
Man, who knew Brigga Balba would be so nice and her home, lovely.
That little fountain in her tea garden was so peaceful.
I was thinking the same thing. We really had her pegged wrong.
All we had to do was lease this rad pumpkin car
and buy Stella & Dot crap from her to get the ship back.
It is not crap.
Look at my "I'm a girl boss" chunky cufflink. That's on trend, baby.
- (LOUD MUSIC PLAYING) - Terry, do you hear that?
(PEOPLE CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY)
Whoo! All right! (GRUNTS)
An '80s movie-style rager?
Not in my house.
Hey, that's the turntable I got for Passover
to mix ship noises with space sounds.
Where the hell are Jesse and Yumyulack?
Cannonball!
(CHEERING)
My turn!
Oh! Uh...
To tell you that this is irresponsible.
You were supposed to be watching the Pupa.
Yeah, and we watched him throw an awesome party.
Okay, everyone out!
(PARTYGOERS BOOING)
TEENAGER: This is stupid. Whatever.
TERRY: That's the last straw, Pupa.
How could you throw a crazy '80s party without me?
You are super-duper-juluper grounded.
- Yeah. Tell 'em, Terry. - (SCOFFS)
I hate this. I'm the cool one who bites off cheese instead of cutting it.
But you leave me no choice. No more iPad. No more sexy books.
No more Hulu!
(GASPS)
- (GRUMBLES) - Look at him.
He's learning his lesson so hard right now.
Maybe I am the Pupa expert.
(GRUNTS)
(EXHALES)
What the hell?
I did not know that was an option.
Aw, he laid an apology egg.
Apology egg-cepted, Pupa.
Yeah, buddy.
- What the hell is that? - Little Buddy.
Yeah, buddy.
(BOTH LAUGH)
Yeah, buddy.
How the hell am I supposed to punish him
when he's palling around with a Little Buddy? Aw!
Shit! If we'd just smashed Pupa's head,
thrown him in the quarry, this wouldn't have happened.
We've done everything we can. The Pupa isn't afraid of us.
We need someone to whip Pupa into shape.
Someone with a heart of gold, abs of steel,
and the calves of a hip-hop legend.
- We need... - BOTH: Mark Wahlberg.
(ARMY BUGLE PLAYING)
Mark Wahlberg has a restraining order against us,
but military schools should work just as well.
(BLOWS WHISTLE)
All right, maggots. I own you.
You're nothing but maggot shit on the bottom of my shoe.
I will wipe your maggot asses off the face of this earth.
- Do you understand me, maggots? - ALL: Yes, sir.
At some point, yelling maggots has diminishing returns.
I like it. I'm going to start doing it at home, maggot.
Well, fuck me sideways.
In all my years of screaming at maggots,
I've never gotten to actually train an honest-to-goddamn maggot.
What's your name, maggot?
I'm the Pupa.
Wrong. Your name is maggot.
- And what the hell are you? - Little Buddy!
What in the almighty fuck is a Little Buddy?
He yells an awful lot.
Aren't you worried this is going to be too hard on the little guy?
We need someone hard to set him straight.
Hey, you think these guys would want to buy some Stella & Dot dog tags?
We have some delish bespoke white gold necklaces.
- I'm telling you, I'm telling you. - Shut up and get in the gourd, maggot!
Yeah, that works for your boy. Mmm!
Jesse, trust me. This is the best thing for the Pupa.
He's gonna thank us later. We'll have a laugh about it like...
I bet he's already learnt...
(ALL SCREAM)
- What the hell was that? - Pupa and Little Buddy!
JESSE: How did they get out of military school so fast?
KORVO: They made friends with that drill sergeant.
He was too charismatic. People love his charm.
We should never have stopped for Terry
to hawk Stella & Dot to that brunch club.
You can't talk to me like that. I'm 10k away from being an associate ambassador.
(INSPIRATIONAL MUSIC PLAYING)
(GUN FIRES)
Who's the Pupa expert now, bitch?
Look, Pupa. It's not that we're mad. We're just so disappointed in you.
- You're better than this. - We've tried everything.
Tough love, soft love, crazy, stupid love.
We even had Courtney Love watch Love Actually with you
- and nothing. - You were acting bad before
but now with Little Buddy, it's worse.
Yeah, Little Buddy's a bad influence.
Little Buddy's the problem because it's definitely not us.
Little buddy is my friend.
No, I forbid you from seeing Little Buddy ever again.
- Get him. - Give me that Little Buddy.
- Give him to me. - To make sure he never returns,
I'm trapping him inside a crystal paperweight.
Yeah, bu...
No!
Now he can't give you bad ideas, and keep our bills from flying away.
You know, Stella & Dot has a dandelion paperweight...
Jesus fuck, Terry. It's a pyramid scheme.
- All right, this is just a tantrum. - (PUPA SCREAMING)
Let him tire himself out. Pretty soon he'll be back to normal.
The Pupa exploded into a mist.
- It's not a mist. - It's a fog.
No, it's more like a steam.
Whatever it is, we're trapped inside and it smells like the Pupa's ass.
(PEOPLE SCREAMING)
Great, what a classic teenager way to act out.
Turning himself into a blanket of steam over the town.
Pupa, you recombine into your own physical form this instant.
You hear me, mister?
No, don't go that way.
There are monsters.
Great. Now he's making monsters in the steam?
We should've gotten him into soccer.
I just saw a tentacle over there.
The Pupa is such a bad teenager, God, I wish I could be like him.
No, he sucks.
Pupa, you're in a lot of trouble.
You better stop being steam this instant or no more playing Roblox.
(ALL SCREAM)
Is that steam monster wearing a PewDiePie hoodie?
The Pupa's delinquency must be manifesting as adolescent creatures.
Look out! There's one wearing Tech fleece and listening to Future.
(MAN SCREAMS)
(ALL PANTING)
Hey, guys. Jeez, Ms. Frankie, you work here, too?
(MIMICKING) "Oh, gee, you work here too?"
Of course I don't, you idiot.
Not that it's any of your business, but we're making Ossobuco for dinner.
It pairs well with a night of consensual edging.
(SCREECHES)
(PHONE VIBRATES)
Okay, definitely seems like they are teens.
Somebody needs to go and find out what we're really dealing with here.
No, we don't. These monsters are all over TikTok.
That Pacific garbage patch is huge.
These monsters are expressing all the Pupa's bad teen behavior.
We better pray he's not an arson kid.
I think Pupa just needs a friend.
Maybe if we can get home and release Little Buddy,
he'll stop misting himself.
Good point. But if we let Little Buddy go,
all our bills might fly away.
What do we do? What do we do?
- (SCREECHES) - (ALL SCREAM)
Come on. We can get to my car.
Who the fuck is this guy?
I'm Desmond.
- Quick, give me the breathalyzer. - Here.
And also, wow, I'd like to hear the story behind that.
Come on, .9 is my baseline.
- Who else can drive? - Let me try.
2.8. Yes! Alcoholic high score.
- (EXHALES) - (DEVICE BEEPS)
I got this.
Wait! Sign my change.org petition to help destigmatize cyber bullying.
Whatever, man.
- You just don't get it. - Oh, God.
I'm not sus, you're sus.
Good laddie.
Oh, my God! Crap, I'm spinning off!
(GROWLS)
- (GROANS) - Oh, God.
Why did I get emotionally invested in Desmond?
Tell my wife I refinanced our boat loan.
Okay, listen, if these monsters are really teens,
maybe we can just say things they don't like.
- Did you clean your room? - (GROANS)
It's working. What did you do at school today?
- Tell me about your classes. - (SNARLS)
I want to meet your friends.
Who's gonna accept my Facebook friend request?
(MONSTERS GROAN)
Release Little Buddy. That'll calm the Pupa down.
This ray has no reverse mode?
Well, shit. I'm so sorry.
I didn't foresee that we'd have to turn a paperweight back
- into a Little Buddy. - No, no, no.
We have to get Little Buddy out of there or we're screwed.
We can undo this, but it won't be easy.
Terry, go to the ship
and activate the diffractalyser, which'll take at least 12 hours.
After that comes the really hard part.
Yeah, buddy!
(LAUGHS)
My bills! Damn it!
I can't remember how much I owe in dues to the WGA North
- for that whole Ted 3 - D fiasco.
Little Buddy, come back here! You're supposed to help us.
The mist fog steam is still everywhere.
You a-holes better figure something out real quick.
This isn't our fault.
Yeah, we did everything for the Pupa.
He just watched too many violent video games
and read too many sexy books.
This is Hollywood's fault. The Joker, the Joker.
Let's go get Todd Phillips and sacrifice him to the steam.
Bet he lives in a Tony Stark style house overlooking the bay.
- Will you aliens shut the fuck up? - (SNARLS)
Venmo me.
I am so sick of listening to you blame everyone else.
This is on you.
(ALL GASP)
I ship a thick snack.
- (SNARLS) - (ALL SCREAM)
The Pupa wouldn't be acting like this
if he had some structure in his life.
He needs present, tangible role models.
We see this all the time.
- The problem starts at home. - Home? But that's where we are.
Oh, my God, you are truly the shittiest parents I have ever met.
Korvo has spent more time eating me out
than being involved in the Pupa's education.
Exactly.
- Wait. What? - Guess what?
You're fucking wrong. Because we're not human parents.
The Pupa is a member of our team.
Do you feed him? Do you bathe him?
Do you lay in bed and worry
he's going to get run over by car or kidnapped by a pervert?
No, I worry he's going to get kidnapped by a car and run over by a pervert.
Now that I'm saying it out loud, yes.
Then, honey, you are parents.
All the Pupa does is watch you dumbasses
run around sci-fi-ing shit with no consequences.
You are the bad influences.
He doesn't have to change.
You do.
Fuck that! It's not us. Let's go kill Todd Phillips.
- (JESSE CHEERS) - Let's get him!
I hate Earth. It's a horrible home.
We have to fix the ship. We're out of Doritos.
Fuck you, Terry.
Guys, that supreme steam monster sounds exactly like us.
Holy shit.
Were we the Todd Phillips all along?
MONSTER: I want to trap someone in a paperweight.
Jeez, we suck.
I can't believe it. But these two shallow side characters were right.
Regular Hungry Hungry Hippos. Ew!
Come on. We have to play now.
- Really? - Yes.
This is fucking boring.
It was better when we turned them into...
Look! What's happening?
Pupa's reacting to us being bland and normal.
- See? - JESSE: Oh, yeah, I guess it's working.
From this moment forward, we have to change our ways.
So, no more awesome sci-fi stuff?
No, I think we have to cut everything from our lives
that makes us a special, unique, weird family
and basically sand our whole situation down
so it's palatable to a broader, more corporate approved audience.
I mean, the Pupa.
I signed up for a Mommy and Me music class
with the Pupa three days a week,
then we'll go get no-sugar-added, lactose-free froyo with the other moms.
Oh, my lilies, he's firming up. What else can we do?
We could go back to school and actually give a shit.
JESSE: Keep goin', keep goin'.
Terry and I could get jobs.
Real ones. Not comedy writing or firemen. Something in an office.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - (SCREAMS)
And a computer and a printer,
a receptionist named Gail I keep trying to bang, but she won't let me.
We can do this for the Pupa.
- For the Pupa! - For the Pupa!
(MUSIC PLAYING)
You may find yourself living in a shotgun shack
You may find yourself in another part of the world
And you may find yourself behind the wheel of a large automobile
You may find yourself in a beautiful house
With a beautiful wife
And you may ask yourself Well, how did I get here?
Letting the days go by Let the water hold me down
Letting the days go by Water flowing underground
Into the blue again...
I can't make heads or tails of these mid-quarter distribution reports.
I think Jenkins ran the numbers wrong.
Well, he's Mr. Saurner's nephew, so we'll just have to do it again.
Where have you guys been? Dinner will be ready in ten.
We were at the library, again.
I have to write a 50-page paper on the effects of beach erosion.
Can I please just borrow the useless-homework ray once?
No, no rays in this house.
(PHONE RINGS)
Yeah. Hello, Mr. Saurner.
You want to come over tonight?
Tonight's not good, actually. Korvo has the shits.
Okay. (GROANS) That was Mr. Saurner.
He invited himself and his wife over. They want veal Parmesan.
But I'm making ginger-glazed salmon with a cucumber dill salad.
Well, now you're making veal fucking Parmesan
and you have half an hour to do it, or we'll get fired from our work job.
(SIGHS) Are these really the stakes of our lives now?
Remember when we saved humanity from ice lava and Napadoodles
and fought over who had more Christmas spirit?
I spent 14 minutes in heaven with a jakey BTS.
Korvo turned into goo
and I had to fight my ex-lover, Malcolm Gladwell.
Ah, those were the days.
We used to do so much crazy sci-fi stuff.
I love you guys.
And I love Moana.
It's worth it, for the Pupa.
- For the Pupa. - For the Pupa.
- Ah, fuck! - Yeah, buddy.
God damn it!
Is Little Buddy just gonna be, like,
around all the time now or something?
Yep. This is our life now.
Into the blue again After the money's gone
Once in a lifetime Water flowing underground
Same as it ever was Same as it ever was
Look where my hand was
Time isn't holding up Time isn't after us
(SIGHS)
Same as it ever was Same as it ever was
(PHONE RINGS IN BACKGROUND)
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)